When I was a freshman in high school, my family was [in a car accident]. A few weeks later, our injuries were starting to heal. It felt like we should be okay. We got a new car and a trailer. My siblings and I were back in school. We looked fine. We weren’t. I wasn’t.
For several weeks, every night was a battle to fall asleep and to avoid nightmares. Even though I knew it didn’t make sense, anxiety isn’t rational and all I could think about is how it was somehow my fault ...
I started playing calming music at night in hopes that it would help. The first night I just listened to All the Beauty over and over and over until I drifted away on my wet pillow. You call me lovely.
The next night, I added Someday. You will live in peace.
The songs became my anthems. Every time I felt anxiety stretching her pointed claws around my heart, making it harder and harder to breathe or to think, I started to hum someday, my dearest friend, someday, though I don’t know when, you will live in peace.
The lyrics remind me of the truth. Anxiety is a liar and her weakness is truth, and now I have an arsenal of ways to find the truth of His whisper instead. I began to fill a notebook and one of the most meaningful pages to me is the one based on All the Beauty (pictured). I drew Anxiety, in all her true ugliness. I drew my Hero. And I drew the truth in its beautiful and horrific glory.
You came with a love to set me free.